


run away with my heart, my hope, my love.

by angelica_barnes



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: "I'm in love with you and I'm terrifed" prompt, Again sort of, Canonical Character Death, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Sort Of, as in my poor turtle loving gay baby dies as happened in real life, mentions of period typical homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-11 01:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16465700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelica_barnes/pseuds/angelica_barnes
Summary: basically i had the idea of what would happen if angelica and laurens got married to hide their feelings for alex + fluffy lams cause i love my dead gay sons





	run away with my heart, my hope, my love.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling
> 
> Hope you enjoy! ;)

 

It sparks with one word (“Hello.”), lights with two (“Alexander Hamilton.”), and burns with three (“I love you.”).

 

-

 

“What’s wrong?”

John shakes his head. He can’t have Alexander questioning him, not now, not when he’s so close to going back to South Carolina. So close to having made it without anyone finding out.

“John. Come on, what’s wrong?”

Dammit. John shakes his head more frantically and turns away, desperately to be rid of his friend.

Friend. Yes. Friend. That’s what they are, that’s all they’ll ever be.

“John! -”

_ Friends _ .

John whips around with wide scared eyes and shouts,“I love you!”

He slaps a hand over his mouth as soon as he realizes what he’s said. Alexander is suddenly very still, staring at John with a shocked expression.

John grins shakily, weakly, and probably looks as if about to faint -

“I am in love with you, in every sense of the word, and quite frankly, Alexander -”

He swallows and looks at a spot just past Alexander on the wall, the closest he can come to meeting this man’s gaze. His voice is barely a whisper.

“I am terrified.”

They stand there, in immeasurable silence, for seconds that bleed into minutes and onward until John feels the sob beginning to climb up his throat and unfreezes, pushing past Alexander. His hand clamps down on the doorknob, turns it, and then -

“You should only be afraid if I do not return the sentiment,” Alexander says quietly. “And therefore you have no reason to be terrified.”

John whips around and looks up into the eyes of the man that he loves, shocked. Alexander smiles and takes John’s face in his hands.

“My dear Laurens,” he chuckles, and John blushes. “You’ve such a flare for dramatics.”

Their lips meet and John feels fireworks dancing on his tongue.

 

-

 

They are in love, though it has not been said in so many words (only three).

And then it must be written in poems of ink and blood, to one Miss Eliza Schuyler, Alexander’s blushing bride, and John swears to mother earth he will not cry but boy, does he scream.

He screams until all the flowers on his father’s hillside wither and his wife believes him to be dead.

 

-

 

“Mr. Laurens.”

The voice comes from behind him, strong and sharp, and John looks up to see the bride’s elder sister looming over him. She cracks a small, sad smile and waves her hand towards the empty spot on the bench next to him.

“May I?”

He nods quickly. “Of course, Miss.”

She laughs as she sits, a tear slipping down her cheek which she quickly wipes away. “Call me Angelica, Mr. Laurens. If you accept my proposal then it will only be proper.”

John cocks his head. “Proposal?”

Angelica takes in a deep breath and nods. “Yes. Right. I have proposition of sorts for you… a proposal.”

He nods himself and gestures for her to go on. She breathes in again and starts to explain.

“As you know, I am rather besotted with Alexander, and I am no fool so as not to see the fact that you are more than in love with him as well -”

John holds up a hand to cut her off, eyes wide with panic. “Goodness, no. That is sodomy, that’s wrong, I’d never -”

Angelica levels him with a stern look. “Love is not a choice, Mr. Laurens, and as I said, I am no fool. Besides, to say sodomy is wrong is to say love is wrong, and I am above such thinking.”

John swallows and looks away, fingers tightening around the bench. “My apologies, Miss Schuyler. Please, do continue.”

She sighs. “It is Angelica to you, my friend. Because we are both so unwittingly in love with the same person, I propose we use each other to keep up appearances, so to speak.”

He looks up again with a furrowed brow. She waits expectantly for his answer.

“You mean…?”

Angelica nods. “Yes. My father would approve of you - you’ll be a grand step up in comparison to Alexander -”

She puts a finger to his lips when he tries to protest. “You and I both know he is less than desirable when it comes to money and social class, but Eliza loves him and Father would never want to make his little princess unhappy.”

John nods. “So… you’re asking me to marry you.”

Angelica looks over at him with a kind smile and shrugs. “Yes.”

John nods and looks away again, thinking. She lets him, not saying a word, still and patient.

Finally he inhales and sighs loudly, standing and holding out a hand for hers. She looks up at him in shock and he gives a half-hearted grin.

“May I have this dance, Mrs. Laurens?”

She smiles and agrees.

 

-

 

Now love letters are exchanged between John and his lover’s wife’s sister. They are fake, lies, sins committed to hide further sins.

Alexander will not hear of it from anyone but John, he will make sure of that. He’d rather Alexander murder him after an explanation than before.

 

-

 

“You’re marrying Angelica,” Alexander says, face blank and voice impassive. But John can see the pleas in his eyes, the desperation for an explanation, the need to  _ understand _ .

John nods with a small sigh. “Yes, Alexander, I am marrying Angelica.”

Alexander’s eyes flick around the room, his hands twitching at his sides with the ache for something to hold. John reaches out and curls his fingers around Alexander’s own, and the soldier looks up at him in surprise.

John smiles warmly. “She will make a good wife, and a good friend. In all honesty, I am marrying her to hide my affections for you.”

Alexander blushes and looks down. “And I you, my dear Laurens.”  
John tries, but not too hard. He knows he can’t stop himself anyway.

He leans down and kisses the man he loves, trying to forget the thought that he may regret it later.

 

-

 

One loses what they’ve never had and that, that is the most profound kind of loss.

A letter from South Carolina. A father’s drunkenness shining through grief. A wife’s sympathy severely misplaced.

All good things. All good things must end.

 

-

 

It shrinks with three words (“I love you.”), flickers with two (“John Laurens.”), and extinguishes with one (“Goodbye.”).

 

-

 

“Alexander, are you alright?”

 

-

 

“I have so much work to do.”

****

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Again, so sorry for killing John I love him so much I'm so sorry


End file.
